A Tale of Two Dads

I heard that one of my colleagues had recently lost his father. I asked him about it, and he shared this story.

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My “step” father who raised me since age of 9 and who served REALLY as my Father/Dad… died on Saturday 10 days ago.

I spent more than 2 months in a California hotel, visiting him this past summer, when he was still happy and walking and living life… tending his vegetable garden, and not taking any chemo.

His cancer was two separate types of terminal lung cancer, one in each lung… so he chose to not do chemo.

My blood father, whom I hadn’t spoken to, by choice – for more than 32 years, died two days later.

I had no idea that he was dying or had cancer also, until about 4 days before.

Strangely, I had been praying for each of them, on alternate days, all day long for about 4 weeks before they died.

So, I was able to reduce my resentment toward my blood father for all the mental cruelty he had put me thru for the 1st half of my life, until age 28, when I mentally “divorced” him.

The praying for him, gave me a sense of compassion and peace, and love for that part of myself represented by him.

I had no idea he needed prayers.

It’s almost as if I “manifested” him coming back into my life, when my uncle made his daughter (my cousin) write to my wife to tell me to call him. My whole family knew I never wanted to speak to him again.

It turns out, he never woke up during those final 4 days, after I called my uncle, but I was able to tell my uncle I forgave his brother, my blood father.

When my step-Dad died Saturday, it was very sad.

When my blood Dad died on Monday, I felt nothing, unless it was relief… but I was glad to have released him and to feel absolutely no resentment.

It’s just weird they would die almost on the same day.

All my life since age 9, I never called my “step”-Dad my Step-Dad. I called him Dad. He Really WAS My Dad, and I loved him dearly.

My real (blood) father, on the other hand, severely crippled my self image for the first 28 years of my life by telling me I was no good, and making it clear that I could NEVER please him, no matter what.

If I had actually gotten the opportunity to tell him I forgave him, he would have said: “What! Forgive me for WHAT?!!”

He was a sad case. An alcoholic all his life.

I’m glad I was able to break the mold on that one, and to transcend him.

I’ve had many father-figures in my life, from Socrates & Jesus, to Shakespeare & Ben Franklin. From Napoleon Hill to my “Step” Dad. From my career role models, to my entrepreneur role models.

I feel really happy that I did that, so when the time came, I actually felt for a day or two…

That I would be able to talk with him, if he ever woke up and could get on the phone.

However, by the time my “step” Dad died, I decided not to give him one last chance to crush me or lash out at me, and instead, I asked my Uncle to tell him I loved him, and that I said Goodbye.

In the end, I was so proud of myself for not giving him that opportunity, but also for not feeling any resentment toward him, only compassion and kindness.

This was only possible due to the 4 weeks of praying. During that 4 weeks, I healed that part of myself, that was “him” inside me.

On the other hand…  My “step”-dad, who always always there for me, to the extent he could be working in manufacturing as the sole provider, raised me as the oldest of 7 kids, 5 of which WERE his blood.

What I neglected to say about him at the end, was that I was so gratified to have just pulled up the stakes, and to have spent more than 2 months with him this past summer, when he was happy and healthy, and times were good.

We went to baseball games, county fair, out to lunch & dinner, had family BBQs.

In the end he went very fast, and the way he wanted, surrounded by love, with some of us near, and some of us far, but he KNEW he was loved.

I feel very blessed to have prayed for both of them, at odd moments all thru the days – on alternate days, thru those final 4 weeks.

It’s just strange that both were dying of the same disease, and I didn’t even know it until the very end.

One last thing.

I continue to pray for both of them all day long, whenever I can think of it – from midnight to midnight… in rotation with 2 others.

It goes this way… Pray for –>

1) Blood Father
2) Mother (who died of cancer in 1994)
3) Step Dad
4) My Wife

I switch at midnight, and rotate through again.

These are the four biggest influence on who I am, who I’ve been, and who I’m becoming.

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Share your dad story below….

8 Responses to “A Tale of Two Dads”

  1. James Potter says:

    That’s mean.

  2. Kelly Hamilton says:

    Why do you continue to pray for them now? What do you pray for?

  3. Edwin Soler says:

    Very moving. I will do the same. Pray for my mom, dad, step mother and step father and add people continually. I need to re-discover what power prayer has in my life too. Thanks for sharing.

  4. Our higher self (soul) chooses our parents for our soul’s growth, our personal growth, only we are not meant to be conscious of those choices, as the growth would not be as great. Our soul chooses our lives for the most growth, not the most convenience or ease. One day you will realize the blessings both of your dads were in your life.

    ChristineHoeflich.com

  5. Edward says:

    Are you still praying for the deceased Perry?

  6. Michael Johnson says:

    The rebellious nature of the succeeding generations in Western culture make it almost impossible to have any type of a trusting father-son relationship….Daddy is being supernaturally duped…”I come to bring division.”

    We are always competing against “mother” who has been enabled to usurp us, going back to Adam and Eve; we are always competing against the “prince of the air” AKA “the prince of this world”…The entire American culture is now OBSESSED with woman…We are looking more and more like a termite colony each day. If you don’t see this, then one might seek a deeper relationship with Jesus Christ…The author of AGAPE love, which has not one lick of flesh to do with it.

    “She” without “He” ultimately works for mother nature, who is a real bi-polar stumbling block for children in their introduction to the “ways of the Lord”… They HATE the Lord..

    The fifth commandment does not have any conditions, but it does have a promise.

    Call no earthly man your father…Only via Spirit does any restoration occur. Our kids are being programmed by the electronic devices, the media, and the propaganda machine to no longer trust us…They are being brainwashed to believe we hate them,,, because we ourselves have become so selfish in our own “needs”….Hedonism is the CANCER of all cancers.

    Sadly in the West, MOST children are negatively conditioned by B.U.S.Y. (Being Under Satan’s Yoke)parents, and are stuffed into blended families….EVERYWHERE i go seemingly as of late, no young man or woman has anything good to say about their father. More than half have NO relationship with him… This is the product of the propaganda machine, which gained steam after World War II…

    Jesus is tenderly calling, and these children need to be exposed to TRUTH, a lifelong career considered to be the primary responsibility of their parents,,, father first.

    When momma refuses to let daddy exercise his God given right to place her under subjection in love, how can he have on iota of credibility and respect from his family???

    The condition of a family, church, nation, planet,,, in the physical realm, will always ultimately “fall” into the keeper of the womb. Spared for the gift of childbearing.

    “Notwithstanding, THEY shall be saved in childbearing, if they continue in faith and charity and holiness with sobriety.”

    …Sounds like an Asian culture of collectivism to me?

    The flesh is doomed…For it is contrary to His Spirit, and exists in a fallen state, headed towards entropy.

    Jesus is the ONLY answer, after being born from your momma’s womb, you gotta sacrifice this organic tabernacle and find whatever means necessary to allow Jesus to abide in you HEART, 100%, fulfilling the requirement of “Ye must be born again”

  7. david savage says:

    I think that is very touching. To be so damaged by an drunk dad, to be able to really genuinely forgive such wickedness without allowing the bastard to lash out one last time. To have become whole at last with the love of a great step dad. Being a dad is tough, being a son is tough. It is only love that can resolve it all.

    thank you Perry

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